Satan’s weapon of choice against me (and it is indeed powerful) are my own insecurities.
I have battled insecurity all my life--in my athletic endeavors, my profession, my writing, my relationships. Every time I think I have it licked, Satan finds a new area of vulnerability to attack and the cycle begins once again. Succumbing to my insecurities can be extremely damaging because of the chain reaction it causes. Insecurity breeds doubt and doubt, worry; worry, jealousy; and jealousy, obsession--over something I have absolutely no control.
The things I am worrying about--approval, acceptance, love--are others’ decisions or choices, not mine. The harder I try to make something happen the more futile it becomes. How do I know? Been there. Done that.
I need to learn, as Apostle Paul did, to be content with what I have and not be discontent because of something I don’t have. God has blessed me immeasurably, yet often I still want that one thing that is just out of my reach.
There is only one thing God asks of me and that is obedience. He will take care of all the rest--perhaps not in the manner I envisioned or wanted--and there might be pain and disappointment, but He has my ultimate happiness and holiness in mind.
One day not too long ago I was once again struggling with the issue of insecurity, and the attack was strong. From out of nowhere, I heard a very clear voice say, “Jody, your issues of insecurity and trust have nothing to do with [insert current issue]. The real issue is that you don’t trust Me. Your insecurity is with me.” What a revelation. And it was true. In all the areas where I have worried and doubted, I had forgotten one thing: each of those situations had to go through God’s filter. He was ultimately in control, and He had His reasons for walking me through each one. I could hear Him saying, “Let go of [current issue], and let Me take care of that, and you just follow me as that is the only thing you do have control over.
Fortunately I have a patient and loving and persistent God who isn’t afraid to use a 2 x 4 over my head when I don’t get it the first time . . . or second time . . . or . . .
God created me with all my talents and also allowed all my flaws. I need to trust Him with both.