Category: Disappointment

Disappointment . . .

12/2/2023

I was supposed to be with my sister and mother for Thanksgiving. But now, with Thanksgiving only two days away, it didn’t look like that was going to happen. I was sick, and even if I recovered by tomorrow, I wouldn’t feel strong enough to make the long drive.

Disappointment didn’t even begin to describe what I felt. Not only would I not be with family, but because of illness, I also couldn’t even get together with friends. This was looking to be a terrible Thanksgiving. I started feeling sorry for myself big time.

Okay, so I knew what I was supposed to do. Turn to the Lord.

I knew Proverbs 3:5— Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding . . .

And I knew all the all the sayings that stem from that verse:

“God’s plans will always be more beautiful and greater than all your disappointments.”

"Disappointments are God’s appointments.”

“Expectation is the root of all heartache.”

“When you release expectations, you are free to enjoy things for what they are instead of what you think they should be.”

Right. They weren’t helping.

Then I read this: Disappointment can reveal your true heart. How a person reacts to not getting what he wants tells others if his faith is based on God or on God delivering the goods. And the writer’s examples were Job and David.

Job lost livestock, servants, family, and health—one right after the other. Disappointment? Despair more likely. But that wasn’t Job’s response. He worshipped. David lost his son despite his prayers and fasting but didn’t blame God or rail against Him. He worshipped.

Yes, I missed out on a day or two with family and friends, but only in person. FaceTime, texts, phone calls —all allowed me to be with those who meant the most to me. And I know that my disappointment was so minor compared to what some people were dealing with this Thanksgiving season.

But my solitary Thanksgiving did serve as a vivid reminder that while the world can dish out disappointments by the shovelful, God will never disappoint. That is definitely worthy of worship.

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Semantics . . .

2/13/2021

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If this past year has taught me anything, it has taught me two things.

First, right when I think I have a handle on things … I don’t; and second, semantics does matter.

Last year was a tough one in many ways. Plans were interrupted. Life was put on hold. Dreams were deferred. I don’t know what the normal “grief” cycle for something like this is, but I personally went from compliance––to weariness––to anger to ______––and here is where I had a choice between two words –– resignation or surrender. And no, this decision was not “just a matter of semantics”—of personally ascribing a different meaning to a word to promote my own meaning. In this case, there is consensus that these two words do indeed mean something different.

Though both at their core mean “giving up,” resignation connotes a hopelessness, of not seeing a way out of a situation, of throwing one’s hands up in defeat and giving up on possibilities.

Surrender also denotes giving up, but in surrender, a person gives himself over to someone else. He submits to someone else's authority. A stronger force. And with surrender, there is still a hope that life will be good if not better.

We know from history that surrendering to another human being will not always end up well. However, surrendering to God––an omniscient, omnipotent, omnipresent, just, and loving God––who has our best interests in mind––will always be better. It just doesn’t seem like that to us because surrender means giving up our personal freedom and right to make our own choices and dictate our own lives … which always seems like a good idea until … we realize there is only so far that will really go.

A while back a friend of mine shared the following series of statements by Dr. Gary Smalley from his book The DNA of Relationships. They are statements of surrender––not resignation. Of surrendering to God. Here they are:

Today I will reduce my earthly expectations to as close to zero as I can get.

I will accept anything that happens as filtered by you.

I will use any disappointment as an opportunity to worship you.

I will sit quietly and ask you what you are telling me to do.

Last year, I realized there was only so much control I had over what happened around me––both on the world and the personal stage. There were things I wanted to happen that I had no power to make happen––but God did. There were disappointments and difficult times I wanted to avoid––but God didn’t. There was confusion and questions about why things were happening that I couldn’t answer––but God could. And there were walls I was butting my head against hoping I could make them move, but I couldn’t––but God could.

So this year, I decided I would start each day with reading and thinking about those four statements, realizing that if I began each day reminding myself that God was indeed in control, that perhaps I could better handle what the day brought.

The result? Not surprisingly, because He said it would, it has brought a “peace … which surpasses all understanding” (Philippians 4:7).

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Rebar . . .

1/16/2021

3 Comments

I don’t know about you, but I was hoping for a much smoother start to 2021. That didn’t happen, did it?

And perhaps you are in a situation similar to what I am. Not only did the national issues continue to compound, but new personal challenges emerged as well. As my brother said, “It’s only been eight days, and already it seems like a year.”

A recent Facebook post read, “I’d like to cancel my subscription to 2021. I’ve experienced the free 7-day trial and I’m not interested.”

But that isn’t an option, is it? The year will continue and at times, it will be hard not to get discouraged, down, or depressed. It is also sometimes hard to wrap our head around the love and care of an invisible God when our heart is hammered by a very tangible reality. And it is at times like this, when Bible verses on their own, no matter how encouraging they are, just aren’t enough to see us through. They need a place to rest . . . a foundation to support them.

That’s when we need to have a good memory (or a good written record) about how God has been faithful in the past. In my case, I don’t have to look too far back to see his love and faithfulness, and I cling to that.

Our memories of God’s faithfulness are like rebar, those bars of steel used to reinforce concrete that is under extreme tension. With the addition of each of those unseen and often forgotten rods the foundation gets stronger and stronger.

Unless we have moments when we must rely on God, when we allow him to show his power and love for us, our foundation will be merely the vulnerable concrete of our own strength, and under tension and shaking it will begin to crumble.

So as the year progresses––and it will––and when we hit some more difficult times––which we might––let’s remember the following verses.

“God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging” (Psalm 46:1-3)

And Isaiah 41:10: “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

There will still be times when the earth will give way, the waters will roar, and the mountains will quake, but let’s remember those other times––those rods of rebar––when God was ever faithful, and we can then know with full assurance that He will continue to be faithful in the future.

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Disappointment . . .

12/5/2020

4 Comments

2020 has been nothing if not a year of emotions. We have run the gamut––from surprise to concern to fear to suspicion, sadness, anger, and now as we have just celebrated our first major holiday of the holiday season, some of us can add one more to that list … disappointment.

For most of us, this Thanksgiving looked very different from Thanksgivings of years past. We either modified our in-person gatherings, virtualized them through Zoom, or jettisoned our plans at the last minute because of unexpected circumstances. Regardless, we all tried to keep a stiff upper lip, take it on the chin, put on a happy face … whatever cliche you want to use … but deep down we were disappointed.

Now many of us are doing the Post-Thanksgiving Monday morning quarterbacking: looking back and seeing if our decisions were warranted or not. If everyone remains healthy, we might add a new emotion … foolishness, then add a touch of anger, and feel we have been duped. If someone within that potential group does get sick, we are concerned for his or her welfare but also grateful the decision prevented others from becoming ill.

But if we prayed about our decision, then made it based on God’s leading, any post analysis is a moot point. Proverbs 3:5 reminds us to “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.” God has His reasons for leading us to the decisions we make, even if we don’t understand what those reasons may be.

As 2020 draws to a close, I am hoping that Thanksgiving might be the only holiday celebration where we experience disappointment, but who knows. Disappointments will always be a part of life. But if we really believe that God is in control, and His love is as unshakable and unfathomable as Romans 8:38-39 states, then we should also be able to say with assurance:

“God’s plans will always be more beautiful and greater than all [our] disappointments.”

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Disappointment . . .

Semantics . . .

Rebar . . .

Disappointment . . .

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