A year ago (summer 2020), like many people around the world we were having a family zoom call. AND, like many families, this call slid into a COVID discussion. AND, like many families, there was not uniform thinking on this issue. AND, as happened to many families, the discussion got a bit heated. I was on one end of the heat and another family member was on the other. I could see that this was moving quickly into unwanted territory (for me anyway), and I felt an urge to excuse myself from the zoom call and signed off. A mature thing to do.

Since then, this family member and I have had little contact because we don’t live close to each other, and when we did see each other via Zoom or FaceTime, we didn’t interact––at least I purposefully didn’t interact. NOT a mature thing to do.

I give you this backstory in order to tell you the good part.

A second incident happened recently (regarding a different topic), but this time my sister was also on the call. I was ready to add the incident to our ever growing emotional distance, but my sister wasn’t. She thought about it. I’m sure she prayed about it, and I am equally sure she felt the nudge of the Holy Spirit to reach out. Which she did, in the most caring, unthreatening manner (which I learned about later). She had no idea how her actions would be received. In my eyes, this was an act of bravery.

To fully appreciate this next part, you need to know that my sister never mentioned me or the encounter from a year ago in her text.

The next morning, I received the most sincere apology from this family member not merely for the most recent encounter, but for the one over a year ago. Plus she admitted that the Holy Spirit had been working on her heart on many levels. Her apology, in my eyes, was a second act of bravery, as she had no idea how I would respond.

My sister’s courageous act opened the door for my relative’s equally courageous act. Meanwhile, I––the coward, the avoider, the keeper of offenses––benefited.

So here is what I have learned. Listening to the Holy Spirit and then obeying that push equals bravery, because it takes courage to reach out and confront in love and gentleness, and it takes just as much courage to be vulnerable and apologize.

I am eternally thankful for both my sister’s actions and my relative’s response, both heeding the urging of the Holy Spirit and then being obedient to it. Because of them, my relationship with my relative has been restored and in my eyes is stronger and deeper than it ever was.

Is the Holy Spirit talking to you today? Are you listening? Are you obeying? Are you being brave?

“In this world you will have trouble” (John 16:33).

Ain’t that the truth, Bubba. You don’t have to turn your head very far to either see or hear “trouble,” and it is hard not to zero in on it, think about it, stew about it, argue about it, and want to fix it.

But that is not our primary task. God’s will will always be done, even when it looks like the world is spinning out of control. His will can not be thwarted (Job 42:2). John 16:33, which guarantees us trouble, also promises hope when Jesus says, “But take heart! I have overcome the world.” [emphasis mine] And He tells us this so that we “may have peace.”

In photography, in order to frame a picture, you must first select a focal point around which the rest of the picture has context. It doesn’t mean that the rest of the picture disappears or isn’t important, it just means that this particular point is the most important part of the picture. Likewise, as Christians we live in this world, but we are not of the world (John 17:16), and so while we may be asked to do our civic duty and participate in our community, our focal point is not on anything in this world. Paul reminds Timothy of this singular focus: “No one serving as a soldier gets entangled in civilian affairs, but rather tries to please his commanding officer”  (II Timothy 2:4). We are soldiers for Christ.

At a recent women’s conference one of the panelists reminded us on where our focus should be by quoting Philippians 4:8: “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."

The Jews were different from the neighboring nations by their dietary laws and devotion to God’s laws. What makes a Christian different? Do we look and sound like everyone else, pointing and talking about the concerns or the world? Or is our speech, our concerns, our focus on what is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, praiseworthy? Is our focus on Jesus?

This past year and a half has been a season of talking . . . and, therefore, for me, a season of conviction.

Of the over 31,000 verses in the Bible, I could not find one that encouraged me to express my opinion. In fact, I found over one hundred which expressed the opposite, like Proverbs 18:2, which says, “A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion.”



Of course, some of us have couched and justified our opinions through the Bible’s command to “speak the truth,” but we have, unfortunately, exchanged the intended God’s truth with our own take on worldly truth.

I think the rhetoric has lessened as most people have come to realize that others are firmly entrenched in their own camps, but that doesn’t solve the one basic problem—we still aren’t listening to each other.

As an English teacher, I was to teach the four language arts––reading, writing, speaking, and … wait for it … yup, listening. And you can guess which of those four got the short stick. Oh, there were plenty of times I would tell my students to listen, but the actual instruction time on how to listen was short. Even now, as I review the five levels of listening, I can honestly say that this past year and a half has seen me at all levels except the optimal. You might be the same. So hear we go.

Level 1: Ignoring: Yup. We just refuse to listen. It is the ultimate “I don’t care,” because in this phase you aren’t even looking at the person when they are speaking. You are looking at your phone, the television, anything but the speaker.

Level 2: Pretending: Ditto the above. But this one is a bit patronizing. We give the appearance of listening, but we’re not. We may throw in an occasional “Um-hum” or “Really,” but should the speaker ask us a question, well, we’re found out.

Level 3: Selective: As the name suggests, at this level we are only listening to parts of the conversation, and usually with the intent to do one of the following: insert ourselves or our experiences; judge, refute or criticize. We are definitely not listening to understand.

Level 4: Attentive: Now this level sounds great, and it is. This is the level we aspire to for most of our interactions because it involves eye contact, attentiveness, the desire to understand. Its only drawback is that we are listening within our own context of experiences and often respond that way. However, this level is not a bad place to land.

Level 5: Empathic: Is the highest level of listening and involves the greatest amount of both emotional and mental energy as it requires us to use all our attentiveness, our heart, and our mind as we seek to see things from the speaker’s frame of reference. Please note, that empathic listening doesn’t mandate agreement, and it certainly doesn’t require comment. It just requires listening with the intent of understanding the other individual, not to judge and not to change.

If you are like me, I would imagine that you are all over the map regarding your level of listening, most likely depending on the other person involved. But Jesus was all about interaction and, even more so, understanding. I think it would do us all good to start working our way up the listening ladder.