J.E. Solinski
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…I am God.

4/28/2015

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If a person teaches long enough, he or she will develop an identity crisis. At some point he will think he is God. Not the God of the universe, but definitely the god of his own micro-universe. And one can see why. As teachers we have created our own little world, ordered it, set the rules, allow free will to its occupants, but also mete out consequences and rewards. Then, in the ten (or sometimes even five) minutes before class starts, we have often solved three personal crises, listened to four pleas for mercy, intervened in two interpersonal conflicts, and welcomed every inhabitant to a brand new day.
     As the day progresses, the students are convinced we are omnipresent, as we always appear at exactly the right (or wrong) time to catch them at something, omniscient because we know what they are doing even when our back is turned, and omnipotent because not only can we hear conversations in the back of the room while we are talking to another student, but also because we hold the fate of their future in our hands.
     This God complex probably wouldn’t be so bad if some of us, like me, didn’t continue thinking we were God outside of the classroom. I like things ordered and tidy with no loose ends, so I will usually take one of two courses of action. First, in my haste to straighten things out as quickly as possible, I will not wait to see what route God might want me to take; or second, I will try to resolve issues that perhaps are not mine to resolve, but since they are making my world a bit chaotic or uncomfortable or untidy, then I want to sort everything and everyone out.
     This attribute has on a very few occasions worked, but more often than not, I have acted too rashly and then had to reverse course, or l have stepped on toes, hurt feelings, or needlessly interfered. Almost always, the results are not what anyone would have hoped for, and most certainly were not what God had planned.
     “Be still and know that I am God.” As one can see, the first is a must for the second  to take place. I must be “still” in order to let God be God.

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Be Still…

4/22/2015

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Many Christians have a life verse—one that marks their conversion or their Christian journey, others that serve as special remembrances. My life verse is Psalm 46:10: “Be still and know that I am God.” I have chosen this verse because it ticks all the problem boxes I run up against, the first being “Be still.”
     I have a lot of trouble being still. Though I like the concept of it, I have difficulty living out the reality. I can look forward to a whole day of nothing but sitting down and reading a good book or watching the golf on TV, and then about a half hour into either, I am itching to do something. Or . . . as so often happens . . . a mental list begins to form of all the things I could or should be doing and any idea of relaxing gets usurped by guilt and duty.
     I am not sure if this is DNA kicking in or if it is a cultural bias because I know that many Americans have the same problem. Compare a typical American vacation with a European one. Ours often consists of hundreds of miles of driving punctuated by multiple sightseeing stops to tick off our checklist . . . all in a week’s time. Meanwhile, a European will go to one location and lay on the beach for a week. Okay, so that might be a bit of an exaggeration on both sides, and in all fairness to us Americans, it does take us a long time to get anywhere, but still  . . .
     And that is the operative word–– “Still” . . . the opposite of moving. Still . . . the opposite of talking. Still . . . the opposite of restless. Still . . .
     Yes, God needs me to sit still––
              ––to relax.
              ––to hear His voice.
              ––to turn over the controls and let Him work.
              ––to talk to Him.
              ––to just spend time with Him.
     I think “Being Still” will always be a challenge for me because I just love “To Do.” But I am learning, and God is blessing our time together.


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Blessed…

4/14/2015

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Until this weekend I thought I was blessed to have a nice house to live in, a good job to go to, and enough money to live comfortably. But after my first book signing, I was reminded that I am thankful for those things . . . very thankful . . . but people are the ones who bring the blessings:
    Blessed is having store owners (a husband and wife team) who don’t know much about you, but willingly open their bookstore to you and then treat you, your family, and your guests like royalty.
    Blessed is having a sister who donates her time and talent to help you become successful and then “has your back” and takes care of everything at the book signing.
    It is having a mother and father who spent the last month calling and emailing and offering a free lunch (I think that is called bribing) to get people to come to the signing.
    It is having a Downs sister spend the afternoon at the signing and greet all your friends and guests. And it is having her pastor and those who work with her (and their families) come out too, just to support her sister.
    It is having a childhood neighbor (who now lives in the Bay Area) take the time to bring her children by to support you even though they have a wedding to attend that same afternoon.
    It is having your long distance prayer partner of thirty years come over with her husband and give you the biggest hug of the day and buy books for the whole family.
     Blessed is having high school classmates who haven’t seen you in YEARS commandeer Facebook to get the word out to all your classmates and then take time out of their day to come out and support you, and if they couldn’t make it, send their well wishes.
    It is having former colleagues and fellow coaches (who now run school districts and county programs) skip away from work duties just to see you.
    It is having your own high school tennis coach show up as a surprise.
     Blessed is having your 1984 tennis team scheme, sneak out of conferences, leave children in the care of husbands, and drive four hours from LA just to surprise you.
     Blessed is having college buddies (who in 1979 flew down to Orange County just to go with you to the only ABBA tour in the US ever) now come from across the Valley to your book signing even though they already have signed copies of your book because they bought it in the first five minutes it was available.
     Blessed is having those friends of your parents who either supported you as you grew up, as you graduated with their children, as you coached their children, or just because they were your parents come out once again to encourage you.
     Blessed is having people who have no idea who you are, drive in from around Fresno County just to meet you, offer you encouragement, and buy your book.
    Blessed is having family and friends from across the country and around the world Facetime and email their support because they couldn’t be there.
     Blessed is realizing that whether by birth, choice, or circumstance, God has put every one of the people we meet into our lives to bless us in some way. Last Saturday, I was indeed very blessed.

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Appearances…

4/8/2015

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Though I have been teaching more than 30 years, each year I always learn something new from my students. Just recently I stumbled upon a new truth (which might be a bit discouraging for today’s youth), and that is that we really don’t change much as we grow older.
     I realized this as I was looking over those concerns they wrote down. Right after “fitting in” came “appearances.” It wasn’t as overwhelming as “fitting in” but it was pervasive. For the teens, this concern over appearances runs the gamut––from getting rid of pimples, straightening one’s teeth, and owning the right brand name clothing to having the right body build all the way to securing a convincing smile on one’s face to hide the deep depression within.  
     As adults not much has changed, only we have moved on to owning the right car, living in the better neighborhood, and making sure we look like we have it all together when we are as vulnerable as a sixteen-year-old. And we too want to have that convincing smile when we are facing that same darkness.
     I am not sure why we are so concerned that our appearances mask our flaws or insecurities, or did I just answer my own question? But a change in appearance doesn’t change what is within.
     In the eighth grade I went out for track. I was running in tennis shoes and was miles behind the others as my shoes would slip and slide in the dirt. I convinced my dad I needed track shoes. He bought them for me and so in the next race, I looked like everyone else in my brand new track shoes. The gun sounded, and I took off; the race ended, and I was dead last. The appearance of being a track athlete did nothing to change the reality that I wasn’t.
     Appearances are deceiving and transient, and God has told us in so many ways that 1) He is sufficient for us in our weakness (2 Cor. 12:9), and 2) what we see and value today is but for a moment; it is the eternal and imperishable that we should keep our eyes on (2 Cor. 4:18).

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The Problem with Demands…

4/1/2015

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Around the eighth grade, my father began to teach me tennis. I loved athletics and high school was just around the corner. Basketball was a given as my father had been a basketball coach. Volleyball was fun and in the fall. That left the spring without a sport, so my father thought tennis would fill the void.
     I fell in love with the sport immediately. However, that didn’t mean I was any good at it. In fact, my freshman year, I can remember hitting one good shot all season. I played mixed doubles, and we were playing at Roosevelt High School, and I had a backhand crosscourt approach shot. That was it –– for the entire year. My father put me in tennis lessons that summer.
     The lessons paid off as I found myself in the #1 singles slot my sophomore year. The season started in February and all was going well. Then around mid March, the strings in my racket broke. I took my racket to my parents and asked to have it restrung. They said “no” and gave me another racket to use. This “new” racket was old and cheap, and I wanted nothing to do with it. After all, I was now #1 and awesome and thought I deserved a little respect. I did what any self-respecting fifteen-year-old would do. I pitched a fit. My parents were unmoved.
     I had no choice but to play with the racket. I did have a choice, though, about my attitude, so I chose the best option––play the victimized martyr and keep complaining. For three weeks I took this tack and then I realized that my birthday was just around the corner.  Though I still grumbled a bit to show my discontent, I had resigned myself to the racket, so now it was now time to play the good child.
     My birthday arrived. In fact, it was a surprise sixteenth birthday party with my entire tennis team. Lots of food, lots of fun, plenty of gifts. One gift I remember in particular. A long, rectangular box which held –– two brand new Billie Jean King rackets, strung to perfection. I was speechless.
     My family was not wealthy by any stretch of the imagination. I know because we ate liver and onions––a lot. So when I saw those two state of the art rackets, I knew they had required a bit of sacrifice to buy. To put it mildly, I felt stupid. My parents' “no” was simply because they had already purchased something far better than what I had wanted––what I thought I had to have to be happy.
     That little scene comes back to haunt me every time I pull my fifteen-year-old attitude with God. When I stomp my foot and thrust out my lower lip because He has not given me something I want, and have to have, right now, when all the while He has something much better waiting for me.
     The problem with demands is that we make them from an incomplete perspective. We absolutely believe that we know best what will make us happy and fulfilled, and that not getting that (item, person, job, etc) will conversely make us unhappy and unfulfilled.
     I am sure, occasionally, God has given in to my childish, selfish tantrums and let me have what I wanted just to appease me, (or I have just bulldozed my will through the situation) and now I often look back and wonder what I had actually given up to have my own way. I will never know, but hopefully, I have learned that God’s gifts far surpass my demands. And at this Easter time, I am eternally thankful, that Jesus willingly submitted his will to his Father's so that I could have the greatest of gifts.

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    Author

    Jody Eileen Solinski spent her career teaching in the California public school system where she enjoyed helping young adults take their place in society. A native Californian, she enjoys the outdoors and so loves living in Northern California where she can enjoy the beauty of God’s creation up close.

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